Goat Simulator 3 Game Review
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Goat Simulator 3 is clear about who it is for. If you thought the first Goat Simulator was about as funny as the bubonic plague because of its weird physics and toilet humour, it's very unlikely that you'll find anything worthwhile in this sequel. Even the name is a joke; in fact, this is the second part. If you search Google for "Goat Simulator 2," all you will get are other befuddled individuals also seeking for "Goat Simulator 2," which, to be fair, is rather entertaining.
It says what the box is for right there on the front. This is more of the usual bleating, headbutting, and bugged-to-hell action, but it takes place on a larger map with more places for chaos to happen. You start out in a simple farmyard. A silly introduction sets the tone, and then you're free to go out into the world. Your tools for mammalian mayhem are a headbutt that you can charge up to make ridiculously powerful, a sticky tongue, and unstable physics, and it's gloriously dumb fun.
This time, there is a little more structure for those who want to have some kind of goal. When the towers in the large sandbox are in sync (there are many references to other games), they show you the map. You can then go inside them, where you have to open several locks on a big door. How? Of course, by creating as much chaos as you can. There isn't much of a story here, but the "ending" is worth seeing.
You are free to pursue any course of action between now and then. The map shows several different areas. The farm mentioned above leads to a typical American suburb. Beyond that, you can climb tall mountains and explore a big city. It's a well-thought-out playground with clearly marked areas for complete nonsense. In fact, the game is so ready for you to do stupid things that they will start to happen on their own. We saw things fall through the floor, people get launched into the air, and gas stations blow up without us doing anything. When you do join in, it's a complete mess.
Headbutting people into the sea and driving cars through crowded places can only get you so far. It's fun to go around and annoy people, and giving your attacks elemental effects like fire and electricity makes things more interesting, but it doesn't last forever. The map is full of collectibles, small goals called "Instincts," and special events of different sizes, which is great. We don't want to give away too much, but if you played the first one, you already know what to expect. These are silly jokes that only work once and have silly results if you follow their simple rules. When you lay down on the chaise longue and talk about your problems with the psychiatrist, the house gets smaller. Get it?
There are a lot of these, and the quality varies, but it was fun to find them and see how stupid Goat Sim 3 could get. Some, like the one shown above, are just visual jokes, but others can permanently change the open world. We won't say how, but once you start a big tornado, it stays there and moves around the map randomly, picking you up if you're close enough. It definitely adds to the chaos, but there were times when we wished we could turn it off.
There are cosmetics hidden all over the sandbox, and your actions will earn you money that you can use to get even more. These get very silly, especially when items give you extra powers. Some useful things are stilts that can be raised or lowered with no apparent limit, a hat that lets you wear inanimate things on your head, and an old woman with a bazooka that shoots balls of yarn. That doesn't even count all of the other characters, some of whom have their own special skills. You can play as a pig (called a "tasty goat"), a rhino (called an "angry goat"), or Steve the goldfish. All of that crazy gear is also available to all of the characters. When you add in the weird physics, the chance of chaos is very high. The game can get so crazy that even if you don't find the idea funny, you might just laugh at how crazy it is.
This version adds online multiplayer, so four goats can work together even if they are not in the same room. We think the game is best when played with more than one person. Sharing the chaos makes it more fun, and the minigames give you a break from the unguided experience. Once you've unlocked the minigames, you can play them anywhere, whether it makes sense or not. This is a clever way to add to the nonsense.
With so many moving parts, the game can be surprisingly rough. The problem is that we don't know how much of it is planned, so it's hard to figure out. We can tell you, though, that the action slowed down a lot and sometimes stopped for a few seconds. In one especially bad case, the game froze for about a minute before slowly going back to its usual 60 frames per second. It seems like Goat Simulator's performance problems are just par for the course. We're not too worried about it in the end, and we've been told that a day one patch will fix some technical bugs that weren't meant to be there, but some of those freezes were just awful.
Even so, it's hard to be angry about this game. It is quite effective in accomplishing the goals it set out to achieve. It's full of dumb jokes, bugs (on purpose), and ways to interact with its brand of stupidity. If you liked the first game, this is more of the same, and the way it is put together gives you a little more to chew on. But once the fun is over—and for some people, that will happen very quickly—you're left with a weird sandbox full of toys and no reason to play with them.
Goat Simulator 3 is great for what it is. It's a bigger and crazier follow-up to the viral hit, made to satisfy anyone's need for chaos. It's the best kind of dumb fun. If you want to turn off your brain for an hour or so and just mess around, this is about as lowbrow as it gets, and we mean that as a compliment. There are some serious problems with how it works, and it's not for everyone. Even if you like it, the novelty will wear off at some point, but if you can go with the flow and embrace the chaos, you'll have a lot of fun while it lasts.
Goat Simulator 3 Download Now
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